All shall be well,
all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.
Julian of Norwich from ‘Revelations of Divine Love’
Feedback from yesterday’s therapy session
Thank you for yesterday.
I have no questions. I suppose those things from the past just don’t matter to me anymore. I think their only importance to me is I just don’t want to go through what I had to go through earlier this year again.
When we talk the way we talked with each other yesterday I feel frustrated because it feels like the conversations with others I’ve had before. I feel like I’m just going around in circles not getting anywhere trying desperately to explain what I mean. It feels like whatever I say is ‘wrong’. It feels like we are not able to reach any common ground and I’m not able to stop the conversation to say so.
Yesterday, it felt like I said something only to receive an answer questioning what I said which leads me to feel frustrated, then annoyed, which usually results in me feeling that I just don’t care anymore (feeling despair) or I think wtf and ‘lash out’ (which I’m pleased to say I didn’t do yesterday).
But as you probably saw I just end up shrinking into the chair cringing and feeling sorry for myself ‘like a little child’.
Sometimes I just need someone to put their arm around me and say ‘everything’s going to be ok you know’ – and truly mean it.
I never had that earlier this year when I needed it from the person I needed it from. I suppose that I’ve never had it ever and don’t know how to ask for it. Maybe I’m asking the wrong person who is unable to do it for me or there is something about me that stops people from doing it or they just don’t think I need it like others do.
Maybe I appear strong when I’m not really. I’m just a little child who goes home and cries within his cell/heart until he is ready to come out again.
I’m crying now while I write this because I’m upset and hurting – it feels like I’m lacking something in this life, empty and lost. Yes, I feel dissatisfied at the moment, unhappy about things (not all things) and want/need something more in my life right now.
It feels like I don’t know where I’m going (when I thought that I did before), where I need to go and unable to sit with the ‘unknowing’ for any length I’ve time without becoming scared and crying like a little new born baby.
(My self-confidence was shattered earlier this year and I ended up questioning who I really was and my motivations for doing what I was doing).
It feels like I’m lost in a desert with fewer and fewer oasis to refreshen my increasingly weary soul.
Hope that makes more sense than what I was trying to say yesterday in session.
Sent from my iPhone